Pre VD Planning:  Artie
by DryadSpeaks
Summary: Spinoff of All My Dreams Chapter 94.  Artie enlists the help of Martin and AJ to prepare for the best Valentine's Day ever for Quinn.  They're good to go.  Martin and AJ discover one of Artie's secret shames.


"Thank you so much for coming over," Artie said, as he let Martin and AJ into his house. "I really don't know what I'm going to do about VD, and I NEED HELP!"

AJ stared at him for a second. "Dude, you should probably get that checked out by a doctor...not us," he said, a mischievous look in his eyes.

"VD as in Valentine's Day, not VD as in...VD!" Artie said. Then he noticed the look in AJ's eyes. "Oh...you're kidding. Good, because if you hadn't been, I would have been mortified."

"And even if you meant the other VD," Martin said, "We're here for you, bro."

Chuckling, Artie led them into the living room. "So, what's the plan? I feel like such a jerk for not having something elaborate planned out."

Martin sat down on the couch, while AJ walked over to the wall, examining the family photos.

"Here's what I'm thinking," Martin said. "Your parents are going out for dinner, right?"

Artie nodded.

"Ok," Martin continued. "So...you ask them if they can ship Michael and Linds off to your grandparents for a few hours, and then you cook Quinn a romantic dinner."

Artie stared at him. "Cook? Have you met me?"

Martin grinned. "Yes, several times, actually."

"Then you know that I pretty much can't cook at all," Artie said. "What am I supposed to cook? Take out?"

Laughing, Martin went on. "No. I've got the recipes, and we're going to practice today. And then we're going to feed your creation to AJ. If he survives, you're good to go. And if not...well, not much will be lost."

"Hey, you guys, I'm right here," AJ said, walking over to the couch and sitting down beside Martin. "A-Man, if you kill me with your cooking, I will haunt you forever."

Artie grinned. "I'll do my best. No promises though."

"Oh, and one more thing," AJ said, pointing to the pictures on the wall. "Those are nice pictures. But didn't you get...hobbled when you were eight? How are you standing up in that one then, where you're clearly older than eight?"

Trying to suppress the laughter that was threatening to explode from his mouth at AJ's use of the word "hobbled," Artie exchanged a look with Martin. "That's not me, that's Michael," he said.

"Oh, right...I forgot about Michael," AJ said. "I guess that makes more sense than what I was picturing in my mind."

"I probably don't want to know, but I have to ask," Artie said. "What were you picturing in your mind?"

AJ grinned sheepishly. "Well, my first choice was gonna be that you have superpowers of some sort, but once I realized that probably wasn't the case...then I thought maybe you had some sort of memory problem and were actually older than eight when you got hobbled."

"Dude," Martin cut in. "You have got to stop saying that word."

"What, superpowers?" AJ said, looking at him. "I will never stop saying that word."

"HOBBLED," Martin said, looking at Artie, whose face was red from trying to hold in his laughter. "That is definitely not the right word choice for this situation."

"Oh, so what should I say?" he said, glancing over at Artie. "Gimped? Gibbled?"

At this, Artie burst out laughing. Once he had regained some composure, he spoke to AJ. "Well, paralyzed would be ok, or...I don't know. I will admit, I kind of like gimped. But don't say that to anyone but me. Not everyone has a sense of humour when it comes to these things."

Looking slightly exasperated, Martin stood up. "We'd better get to the kitchen. Places to go, people to see."

"I hope you have a backup plan," Artie said. "Because if not...we're screwed."

**

* * *

**

"Wait, what? That makes no sense," Artie said, watching as Martin described, in detail, how he should go about laying the chicken into the pan. "Why can't they be touching? It's chicken. It touches all the time."

"But it looks nicer if they're not touching," Martin said, holding the pan up to show him. "Plus, it cooks faster if they're not touching."

"Oh," Artie said. "Well, I guess that makes sense. So...I roll it around in the breadcrumbs and stuff, and then lay it in the pan?"

Martin nodded. "I think we should mix the herbs and stuff into the breadcrumbs tonight, so you don't have to worry about that part," he said, pointing to the container sitting on the counter.

Artie nodded in agreement. "Thanks, that's probably good. At least if I'm supervised by you, we'll know it will taste ok."

Martin grinned. "Ok, so after the chicken's in the oven, you're going to get the potatoes ready. I considered pasta, but then realized it would be a pain for you to drain that, so we're doing potatoes instead."

Artie smiled, thinking that it was nice that Martin had thought of that. He was right...draining pasta would not have ended well. And what was the point of cooking a romantic dinner for Quinn if he had to ask her to help? Not that he thought she'd mind draining pasta, but he wanted to do everything himself. Besides...he preferred potatoes anyway, and knew that Quinn did as well.

"Potatoes are always good," he said. "How are we cooking them?"

"We're going to cut them up, put some garlic and stuff on them, and then roast them in the oven with the chicken," Martin said. "I wrote out exactly what you have to do, and we'll do it now so you can see. Before we do, though, you need to check on the chicken."

Artie rolled over to the oven, and pulled open the door. "Oh, hushpuppies!" he said, leaning back. "That air is really hot."

Stifling a grin, Martin glanced over at him. He was about to say something, when AJ cut in.

"Dude, did you just say 'oh, hushpuppies?'" he said. "What the hell was that?"

"Oh, um...nothing..." Artie said, his cheeks reddening.

"Dude, you just said hushpuppies," AJ said, a grin spreading across his face. "I mean, I know you don't swear much, but hushpuppies? Really?"

"I don't like to swear around Linds," Artie said, unable to believe that he had just uttered one of _the words_ around his friends. "So I have other words that I use in place of swearing and just other words I don't want her saying in general."

"Good plan," Martin said, stacking some dishes in the sink. "I don't like it when kids swear. It's just wrong."

"I agree," AJ said. "But, if she says things like that, she's gonna get teased. And now...so are you. By me. But in the nice way, not the ass way. Oh, sorry...what's the code word for ass?"

Artie rolled his eyes, grinning slightly. "She doesn't say it. It just makes her laugh when I say it. And the code word for ass is SHUT IT."

"And now we're back to the potatoes," Martin said, glaring at AJ. "These are nice red ones, so we can leave the skins on. We're going to wash them, and then cut them up and mix them with a bit of oil, some garlic, pepper, and maybe a little bit of parsley."

As Artie got to work washing the potatoes, Martin headed over to AJ. "If I hear anyone that's not us talking about hushpuppies, you're going to need to find out the real code word for ass, because I'm going to kick yours."

"Dude, I would not tell anyone that," AJ said. "Besides...who do I have to tell? Most of my friends are in this room right now."

"I know you wouldn't tell anyone," Martin said. "I just really wanted to say that."

AJ laughed. "Now you know how I feel every time I want to say ANYTHING and don't."

Martin was about to respond, when he heard grumbling from Artie, who was still washing potatoes.

"Mother-gnoming potatoes," Artie muttered to himself. "Dagnab dirt! Get off, before I blast you to bleeping eternity, you doggone hairy sailors!"

"Artie," Martin said quietly, standing behind him. "Problems?"

Suddenly very aware that he was in Linds-language mode, Artie looked up at his friend, who towered above him.

"Um...no, I just can't get this dirt off," he said, holding up a potato. "I've scrubbed it and scraped it, and it won't come off."

Martin examined the potato. "We'll just cut that part out," he said, taking a knife and removing the discoloured piece of the potato. "And dude?"

Artie nodded, reaching for the next potato.

"Be very glad that AJ didn't hear that just now. I can shut him up about hushpuppies, but...I think if he were to hear you say 'mother-gnoming,' or 'hairy sailors,' that might drive him over the edge."

"You weren't supposed to hear that," Artie muttered. "I just don't like swearing."

Martin nodded. "I know."

"What's next?" Artie asked, eager to change the subject. "Salad? Vegetables?"

**

* * *

**

Forty five minutes later, the three boys sat around the table.

"This isn't that bad," AJ said, stabbing another piece of chicken with his fork. "And I'm not dead yet, so it should be fine for Quinn tomorrow."

"I'm going to watch you for twelve hours just to make sure," Artie said, reading over the instructions Martin had written up for him.

"Dude, that's creepy," AJ said, staring at him. "You're not coming home with me, are you? Because my house is seriously not accessible."

Artie shook his head. "The surveillance equipment is already installed. I had Martin do that yesterday so we could keep an eye on you and make sure you don't get sick."

"And, of course, you're joking," AJ said. "If there were surveillance equipment in my room, I'd know. I'm practically James Bond, remember?"

Artie and Martin grinned.

"Of course you are," Artie said. "Now, you guys...I need to get a gift."

"To the Martinmobile!" AJ said, standing up. "He's parked behind you, bro, so unless you want us to go outside and move cars around, I think Martin should just drive."

Artie shrugged. "Works for me," he said, "I don't care who drives, I just need to find the best VD gift ever."

"VD is never a gift, bro," AJ said, as they headed towards the door. "Or...I guess it is. Just not a very nice one."

"Enough with the VD," Artie said. "You know what I mean!"

"I know," AJ said, as he got into the back seat of the car, after stowing Artie's chair in the trunk. "I just like to think that you're referring to the other VD. It makes me laugh every time."

Artie grinned as Martin backed out of the driveway. "Yeah, it kind of makes me laugh too."

**

* * *

**

"Ok, we've been at almost every store in the mall," Artie said. "And I am no closer to finding the perfect gift for the perfect girl!"

"I know you don't want jewellery," Martin said, "But i think I have an idea. You know that art gallery downstairs?"

Artie and AJ nodded.

"My cousin blows glass there," Martin continued. "I think she's working today, and I bet she'd make something for us right now."

"That sounds good," Artie said. He was about to say something else, when AJ cut in.

"Hold on. Your cousin blows glass? VD? This is totally killing me...so much material to work with here. But...I won't, because we're helping the A-Man out, and I don't want you guys to gang up on me in the car and beat me up."

"Because that happens all the time," Artie said. "When have we ever beaten you up? And in the car?"

AJ shrugged. "Martin punched me in the car a few weeks ago," he said. "And it hurt."

"Dude, you said Rachel sounded like a chipmunk hyped up on steroids," Martin said. "I don't even know what you meant by that, but don't say things like that about my girlfriend!"

Artie grinned at Martin's defence of Rachel as they headed into the gallery.

Once inside, Martin spotted his cousin Michelle immediately, and waved to her.

After a brief round of introductions, Martin explained the purpose of their visit.

"Artie needs a gift for his girlfriend for Valentine's, and we can't find anything. Then I remembered that you make those pendants, and thought maybe you could make one for him?"

Michelle nodded. "I'm actually not doing anything right now, so I could do that. What did you have in mind?"

Artie shrugged. "I don't know. What can you do?"

"What can't I do?" Michelle said, grinning at him. "Why don't we do something simple, and then I'll paint inside it?"

"That sounds good," Artie said. "Thank you for doing this."

Michelle smiled. "No problem! That's why they pay me the big bucks," she added, winking at him. "Why don't you guys have a look around while I get ready?"

**

* * *

**

"Look at this!" AJ said, pointing to a small abstract painting. "This is amazing. We should buy this!"

"We're getting a custom-made piece of art!" Artie said. "We don't need to buy this for Quinn."

"I meant for me," AJ said. "This would look great in my room."

Martin wandered over. "Dude, it's $500. Didn't you just tell me you don't even have $5?"

AJ shrugged. "I may be a little low on funds right now, but one day this will be mine!"

"Right," Martin said. "Because this is what you're going to buy when you have an extra $500 lying around."

AJ shrugged. "I might."

After about fifteen minutes, Michelle emerged from the back of the gallery.

"How's this?" she asked, holding up a small piece of pale pink glass, blown in the shape of a heart.

"Wow, that's beautiful," Artie said. "I like it."

AJ and Martin nodded in agreement.

"Now, do you want something painted inside?" Michelle asked. "Because we can do that."

"Is it too ridiculously cheesy to paint our initials in it?" he asked no one in particular. "Maybe we should go with, like...a flower, or something."

"I don't think the initials are cheesy," Michelle said. "I mean...you're having something handmade for her. You've already passed the cheesy Valentine gift threshold. There's no going back...this is an awesome gift, and I'm not just saying that because I made it. Why don't I paint your initials inside in a darker pink, and then we'll hang it on a silver chain? A and Q, right?"

Artie nodded. "That sounds great. Thank you!"

After Michelle had taken the piece of jewellery back into her workspace to finish it off, Artie turned to his friends.

"Ok, so dinner, plus this, plus some flowers, plus some stuff that you guys don't need details on. I'm good, right?"

Martin nodded. "Do you want to get the flowers now, or tomorrow?" he asked.

"I think tomorrow," Artie said. "I can go pick them up."

"And bro, I need details on everything," AJ said. "You know this."

"AJ!" Martin said, hitting him in the shoulder with a brochure he'd been looking at. "You do not need details on that."

"Well, you wouldn't tell me what you're doing with Rachel," he muttered, "So I thought maybe A-Man would tell me what he's got planned for Quinn."

Artie laughed, and shook his head. "I'm not telling you what Q and I are doing, sorry AJ."

"Fine, I guess I'll just have to come up with my own romantic activities for me and me tomorrow," AJ said. "You guys are no help at all."

"Just so you know, bro," Martin said, "Artie and I won't need to hear about how you romance yourself either."

AJ stared at him, and was about to say something, before he noticed movement out of the corner of his eye.

"Here you go," Michelle said, reemerging from the back and handing Artie a small, silver box.

He took the lid off the box, and looked at the necklace, nestled neatly in the white cotton inside.

"It's perfect," he said. "She's going to love it."

After paying for Artie's purchase, and thanking Michelle again, the three boys headed back towards the car.

When they got back to Artie's, they sat around for a bit talking. When Martin and AJ were getting ready to leave, Martin told him that he should call him if he ran into any problems with the dinner, and he and Rachel would stop by to get him sorted out.

Touched by the fact that his friend was willing to interrupt his Valentine's Day with his girlfriend to help him, Artie thanked him, assuring him that it wouldn't be necessary.

After they left, Artie made a list of everything he needed to do the next day. He opened the box the necklace had come in to have another look at it, and decided he had definitely made the right choice.

As Artie glanced at the necklace one last time before closing the box and slipping it into his pocket, he knew he was ready to give Quinn the best Valentine's Day ever.


End file.
